Headline Matters with Chambwa: Crazy friends

OBVIOUSLY someone is wondering how my friends can make it for a Headline Matters article. Do they matter? They “probably” do, is my response. Who are these human beings in the first place?

My promise last Sunday was to call out names of my crazy friends. Every human being, regardless of their profession, needs friends to laugh and to do CRAZY stuff with. Life ought to be enjoyed and it’s memorable to laugh out certain things with friends. We laugh each time we chat or should I say “IF” we meet.

But then weeks and months pass without me receiving a call or message from these crazy friends. What do you expect from a crazy friend? I have them in abundance but due to newspaper space limitations, I can’t call out all of them. Some of them can resort to suing me if I mention them here. But for what? Are they crazy?

Ah! Let me not forget; some of my crazy friends we do meet frequently and even always. But they have nothing to offer apart from their craziness. And that’s what I want. On a table full of nothing, we fantasize about life in 2030, for instance. What will the latest phone, car or house look like? Who will be the owners, mostly? A lot of stuff we do think about. Funny enough, conversations all end up in a cacophony of hilarity. That’s crazy.

For the hard-to-meet ones, we also build castles in the air. It’s all crazy, you people. Try to talk about NOTHING with friends and see the result. I don’t choose age for a friend and you should see how old some of my crazy friends are. Who doesn’t know that hackneyed mantra that age is simply a number? Hahaha!

To an average reader, this narrative is disjointed, especially that I have, hitherto, not mentioned any of my crazy friends. Pure craziness! In this case, crazy means wittily friendly, nothing less or more.

Headline Matters is not about being lewd, sex***ly or politically, every Sunday. But this is a weekly commentary of reality and such reality is usually derived from what’s happening in the news. Are my crazy friends in the news? I’ll not repeat myself.

My crazy friends deserve space, I insist. These are people like Kakoma Kanganja, Tobias Phiri, Nchimunya Muganya, Paul Shalala, Monde Wood, Charity Munganga, Douglas Syakalima, Gloria Kinkolenge, Rachel Namukolo, Salim Dawood and Alexander Musokotwane.

Others are Moola Milomo, Wynter Kabimba, Judith Tembo, Antonio Mwanza, Leah Ngoma, Stephen Katuka, Robert Chikwelete and General Malimba Masheke. If you are not on this list, then you and I talk about REAL stuff. Be happy!

These crazy friends MUST consider either calling or texting me on that number they have. A lot has been happening and let’s use laughter for neutralisalisation. Space can’t allow me to ‘speak’ anymore. It’s crazy, friends.

For the next version of Headline Matters, check The Mast on Sunday. For reactions, text only to: +26 0977-238451

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